A biblical guide to working with difficult people

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. (Matthew 5:9)

In his excellent book The Peacemaker (which was hugely influential in my writing of this series), author Ken Sande defines conflict as “a difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone’s goals or desires.”

With that definition as our guide, it’s easy to see that “conflict” is everywhere in our work. But the command to make peace is everywhere in God’s Word. 

After declaring “Blessed are the peacemakers,” Jesus went on to dedicate huge portions of the Sermon on the Mount to the art of resolving conflict (see Matthew 5:21-26, 38-41, 43-48, 6:14, and 7:1-5). Commenting on that sermon, pastor Tony Merida says, “Clearly being a peacemaker is a big deal to Jesus!”

It was also a big deal to Jesus’s followers. As Ken Sande points out, “every Epistle in the New Testament contains a command to live at peace with one another.” Take 1 Peter 3:11 as just one example. Peter says believers “must seek peace and pursue it.”

I am not a natural peacemaker. And I’m willing to bet that you’d admit the same. So, what will compel us to pursue peace per Christ’s command? That brings me to the first biblical principle for resolving conflict at work…

Principle #1: Praise the Prince of Peace for the grace and mercy he has shown you.

You and I were once God’s enemies (see Romans 5:10). But “since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (see Romans 5:1). And staring at the peace Christ has secured for us is the key to sharing peace with others (see Matthew 18:21-35). 

What does it look like practically to stare at the peace we’ve been given? Here are three ideas.

First, get on your knees and remember what God has saved you from. One of my closest friends starts every day this way as a means of praising the Prince of Peace.

Second, add a time of confession to your quiet time routine. Why? Because as Paul David Tripp points out, “No one gives grace better than [the one] who humbly admits that he desperately needs it himself.”

Finally, breathe in grace and mercy. Sande says that Christians ought to be people who “breathe grace” in conflict. But “we cannot breathe out what we have not breathed in.” So, try this physical practice. Literally exhale slowly as you confess your sins. Then breathe in slowly as a means of physically representing the life-giving peace that Christ secured on your behalf at Calvary.