How to bless before you blame in a conflict at work

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)

We’re in a series exploring 7 biblical principles for resolving conflict at work. And let me tell you, this is as much for me as it is for you as I am not naturally good at pursuing peace.

For example, years ago, I worked with someone (let's call him Ryan) whose poor management caused me significant financial pain. Did I address the conflict? Not really. Because I knew I wouldn't have to work with Ryan again, so I found it easier to just “write him off.”

I’m ashamed to admit how I handled that situation, because Luke 6:27-28 convicts me of how incredibly unChristlike my response was. Jesus said, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” 

Jesus calls us not only to avoid retaliation but to love, bless, and do good to those we have conflict with. If I had sought to bless Ryan, I would have addressed the conflict graciously to serve him and his future clients.

But that requires a heart transformed by God’s love, which is one of the reasons why I believe the psalmist prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10). Before addressing conflict, we need to embrace the 5th principle for resolving conflict at work…

Principle #5: Prepare Your Heart to bless the person you are in conflict with.

How can you do that for a person you feel a lack of peace with at work today? Here are three practices.

First, ask God for a heart that longs more to bless than to blame the person you’re confronting. Pray for Christ-like love that leads you to look primarily to their interests rather than your own (see Philippians 2:1-4).

Second, pray for the person you’re in conflict with. Right now, right where you’re at, obey Jesus’s command to “pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:28).

Finally, write down one practical thing you can do to bless this person. Is your conflict with a team member who’s missing deadlines? Bless them by gifting a time management resource you’ve found helpful. Did a co-worker take credit for your work? “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21) by publicly praising their contribution to the team.

And don’t forget: Simply addressing conflict is a way to bless the person you have conflict with (see James 5:20). How can we do that in a gracious way? That’s the question we’ll answer next week!