How to say “no” more frequently and “yes” less quickly

It is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider one’s vows. (Proverbs 20:25)

How many times have you and I fallen into the “trap” this proverb is warning us against?

I’ve said “yes” to projects at work only to later renegotiate the deadline I could have never hit. I’ve agreed to volunteer at church only to grumble and complain about the commitment on Sunday morning.

Sound familiar?

You and I need practical ways to avoid the trap of saying “yes” too quickly and flippantly. Here are four practices that typically work for me.

#1: Delay every “yes” by at least 24 hours. It is really hard to say “no” if you feel pressured to give an answer to a request for your time the moment you’re asked. So, the next time you’re asked to dedicate your time to something, do whatever you can to delay responding for at least a day. Buy yourself some time by saying, “Let me sleep on it,” “Let me check with my spouse,” or “Let me check my calendar and current commitments and get back to you.”

#2: Assume the commitment will take 50% more time than you expect. It is human nature to underestimate how much time a new commitment will take, both in hours spent on the core task and what Cal Newport calls the “overhead tax” of saying “yes” (unexpectedly long email threads related to the commitment, meetings associated with the project, etc.). So, before you agree to take something new on, assume the commitment will take 50% longer than you think.

#3: Seek out godly counsel before saying “yes” to something that exceeds a certain time threshold. If I’m considering dedicating more than 25 hours to something, you better believe I’m going to ask some Christian friends for wisdom before I say “yes.” Why? Because “the way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice” (Proverbs 12:15).

#4: Remember that saying “no” is oftentimes the most loving thing you can do. Contrary to our caricature of Jesus as a nice guy who always said “yes,” sometimes Jesus said “no” out of love (see Mark 1:35-38). We must do the same. When you “dedicate something rashly and only later” consider what you signed up for, you’re not going to be able to give your “yes” your all. Which means you’re likely to do harm to yourself and those you promised to serve.

Whatever decision you’re facing today, ask the Lord for his grace in helping you avoid the “trap” of saying “yes” too quickly.